Bonkers goes camping

How to survive a month of camping with your spouse and two dogs

We returned last Friday from a month-long camping trip to Colorado in the ‘Mater, and I’ve spent the last week recovering (otherwise known as, “catching up on Game of Thrones while eating Cheetos”). I know there’s no lack of camping advice out there; nevertheless, I believe I’ve successfully and succinctly summed up everything you really need to know in these ten tips:

  1. When possible stay in state parks. Sure it’s a hike to the shower, but there’s no one standing five feet away, looking through your window when you come back to the camper to put on your bra.
  2. Get a camper with a toilet if you’re going to a place with bears.
  3. Take postage stamps. Every place you go will have wonderful postcards, but not a one of them will sell stamps.
  4. Take at least a hundred dollars worth of quarters. You’ll need them for washers and dryers, and sometimes even showers. There’s nothing worse than running out of water and quarters with shampoo in your hair. (This never happened to me, but it seemed to happen to every single person taking a shower next to me.)
  5. Scope out the farmers’ markets along your way. You’ll meet the nicest people, and you can almost always get good bread and salad fixings. Whatever you do, don’t go to a Safeway.
  6. Don’t make fun of your spouse for buying an ice maker. Sure you can buy a bag of ice for $1.99, but you’ll have to drive to the store (possibly even a Safeway).
  7. Leave your makeup at home. There are very few mirrors with decent lighting, so you won’t know the difference. Also, you won’t run into anyone you know, and the people who do see you will never see you again, so who cares what they think.
  8. When trimming your own hair or brushing the dog, do it at the picnic table. If you do it inside the camper, you’ll spend the next three weeks finding hair in your cereal bowl.
  9. Forget about how much you love real books and get an ebook reader. It weighs about 50 pounds less and takes up none of the valuable space you’ll need for storing all your alcohol.
  10. Take diarrhea medicine for your dog.

One comment

  1. 11. Stay near Karen & Dave for great coffee in the morning and interesting conversations with them and their two dogs.

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